the loop hole in conflict

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Conflict, is a never ending event, it never stops, it’s so driven and it needs to be there. It’s a necessary evil, a pain in the ass. And it’s in our families, our schools, hospitals, it just keeps growing and going on and on despite the peace talks, the improvement in technology, it just will not stop. And worst of all our souls just yearn for It, there is just a saved corner for it in our minds. And the sad part is we have not yet found a way to stop it or rather how to deal with it.

That gap, that we can’t fix, the fact is that we don’t know how to handle conflict. Its terrible and what’s making it worse is the social media. We are so full of ourselves, very ready and more than ready to call it quits or pounce back once conflict arises. Partners are willing to cheat other than talking it out, friends are willing to cut each other’s throats and spill each other’s secrets and others are willing to pull out the silent treatment card.

At a point we have all been in these weird tense scenarios whereby we resorted to not talking to a person because of ‘abc’. When I look back to the fights I had with my friends back in hsc, honestly the biggest percentage is because we never talked it out. We immediately took sides and stabbed each other’s backs, YES!, you read that right, we took judgement into our own hands and slithered each other, no wonder we never went far. At that point you feel betrayed, that unsudden anger of why and how could she!? And then the more we allowed the space in between us to grow, we gave space for doubts, distrust and eventually the disappearance of the basic reason why you are all being big babies. After all that obviously, we’d talk it through but we ended up arguing during this time when we are trying to solve It, cause all we’d do is shout at each other, then there was this bitch who acted fancy and neutral ( clearly am not over these issues😅), others would shut up and find it useless to talk while others I don’t know, they broke off silently.

The weird dynamics about friendships especially when emotions are highly involved is that you need to understand one another and adjust. I have issues with my temper and most times when such issues came up and it went out of hand, I’d cry a lot, and try to clear my mind, it worked and i wish i had lasers cause then people would take it seriously. Conflict is a cage And i hate it, that feeling of arguing or sending the rate at which your voices are getting high, the adrenaline coming in rral fast, the tension growing, God, i cannot describe how much i hate it and whether people admit it or not it’s not amazing losing someone. I hated and I still hate it when i lose someone especially on such grounds, there is that weird heart rate you get when you bypass them, the agony and unnecessary anger but mostly the shame and rage that you weren’t a bigger person in this. People find this kind of feeling to be weak but it’s not and it’s not okay to keep picking fights or keeping useless grudges.

Yes, talking at times will not help but my argument is don’t let that pile of anguish stay in your heart for too long. And not all relationships are meant to be mended but then how best do we deal with conflict, the feelings during and after. Do we always need an elder!? And if we are to talk it out, shouldn’t we be mindful of our tones, what we are saying, how do we drive the point home, do we yell and say the most hurtful stuff that will worsen the whole situation.

How best can we tame ourselves during tense situations?

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