Being the big sister

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Having a younger sibling didn’t pose any threat until now. My baby sister is almost 16 and I just realised that we are alike in so many ways. When I was in my teen years, I was silent, noise irritated Me, I used to keep quiet and cry if I was angry and I resorted to walking away from a lot of situations especially fights with my mom, the confident me that you are seeing right now, took some really good time and that’s a blog for another day. My sister is loud and more confident than I was at that age, she’s chicky and I thought she’ll handle these teenage times just fine. But recently I realised that she walks like me, imitate my deep voice, my slang, and so many other things. And it’s scary.


My mom and her fight a lot cause they have a few similar traits, both cannot back down from a fight and it’s annoying. But one thing I noted is that having or rather raising girls is so hard. The more we keep growing, our minds change and we mould ourselves into our role models. Honestly, my mom hasn’t filled the gap of role model, we lost so much time when we were younger and it’s now hard for us to bond with her. And most of our fights with her are never about disrespect and disobedience, it’s just that the more we grow, the more we are trying to put our thoughts into reality like how to handle some issues in the home. We are clashing because we all have different opinions and we are trying to enforce them. And that’s one thing that my mom and brothers do not realise, we are not disrespectful, we are replicating and doing away with certain things we do not want to see and deal with. Now with that gap, am the anchor to my sister. During this lockdown, she has tried to get closer. She wants us to walk together, play together, she likes spending time with me. Am a bit of a loner so the first time, it was irritating and I thought she just wanted attention. But later I realised she just wanted to talk and spend time with me.


But the hard part is that now I have to be a mother figure and sister. That means I have to shape up real first. I do not do a lot of things because I need to be an example and a great example to her. Thay means I mind my tone when I am speaking, I mind how I dress, I mind the limits of my confidence and boldness and my attitude to a lot of things has changed. I was able to unlock the school experience part and the boy part, and that was a huge relief. And it’s great that we talk and share.


The hard part now is talking about other aspects of life like mental health, exercising, God, patience and other things. Having this role is hard and I do not want her to walk in blindly. But I realised that engaging her in simple projects and activities like sewing, photography and cooking have gotten us somewhere better.


The tricky thing with siblings is you have to be impartial. As you point out their mistakes, acknowledge that you too are not an Angel. As you hold them accountable be sure that they too will hold you accountable. So slow down on the scolding, let the parents do that. At this point, you are supposed to talk but you must balance the friendship, be firm on your limits and do not go back on your word otherwise you need to have reasons as to why you weren’t firm.


Do not lose your identity. Stand firm with who you are, this shows them that they too should be clear on their intentions, their views and opinions, and their character. It’s hard, and you shouldn’t be hard on yourself. And it’s okay to show them that you also break down, this will help them embrace their weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Let them be independent, Do not overshadow or dim their light, don’t keep calling on them to grow up but rather mould them and shape them in that space otherwise they’ll feel unnecessary pressure. Remember we need them to enjoy their youth no matter how hard things are.
I hope she knows I write these blogs for her. They’ll be her little journals. And I hope you don’t give up on life like the way I will!

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