You do not necessarily need sex for things to get messy between females. I love the assumptions that surrounds this topic. The fact that people think its all about fighting and betraying one another. It happens yes! But understanding the female complexities of female friendships is one of the hardest things in life. We also do not understand it. And dealing with the friendships between females can get a little bit tricky. I talked to a friend once about best friends and being left out and funnily she got me. she said “her man thought her and her ex best friend had a thing before” and it was the same for me I showed these texts to a male friend and he said the same thing. more like, ” You two should get a room.” the first issue that brings issues in female friendships is being left out and the assumptions or rather unspoken rules of a friendship. Lets say the high expectations.
Our friendship always have a sudden intimacy and when we invest our love and time in these friendships, we indirectly expect unpredictable reversals more like reciprocation like, ” your best friend knowing your best color the same way you know hers, she should know where you like to eat from or your best hangout” etc. these seem like little things that we do not pay much attention but actually we do. Those little effortless reminders and actions get us ticking and make us feel loved and warm. And the fact that we invest not just effort and energies but also the thought that comes with the action counts and it normally comes because we actually love and actually care. The difference in how we show our love and how we treat special people calls for so much. The emotions we invest in our friendships are equal to the emotions we invest in our relationships with men. And the heart breaks are equally painful or even more painful sometimes.
Being with friends that you love and adore brings out the best and the inner most cocky side of females. This includes their thoughts, secrets, sex, life in general. a phone call from one of my best friends feels like heaven. In just one sitting, we’ve talked about multiple issues and pains and laughed and cried and joked around. The whole warm fuzzy feeling is present. I feel loved and appreciated. And that’s what get us to stay. Now where does the problem come in the rejection, no one wants to feel left out and misunderstood.
The thing with rejection is that it comes in so many ways. Going for lunch without your friend, hanging out with someone else, forgetting to tell your friend about a certain experience and so much more! Once a female feels rejected in a group or ganged up on or left behind or she doesn’t feel your presence as friends, there is going to be trouble. As friends, in a certain clique or group, obviously they’ll be those who are closer and honestly that’s understandable. But as a clique if an outsider, came in with new info and questioned why you didn’t come in to help a friend and it turns out that you didn’t know about this! red flagggggg: left out is the ultimate answer. Once the doubts kick in, once an outsider sees cracks, then it is going to cause havoc. what am i saying as friends, do you know your boundaries, the spaces and times in which you can actually sit down and talk about those arching and cringe issues.
For most friends, the only meet they have is for fun. lets go for drinks, talk about boys, and other things. There are spaces in which you have not ventured and they turn out to be the issues that test your friendship. And then the handling of the rejection. For some they’ll be silent, others will come out to talk about it and others might leave the group. Not all friends go through these, sometimes there’s no need to act up since there’s no situation pulling you to do that. But most groups and friends go through them. Knowing how everyone handles confrontation, authority, power play, being challenged, real life problem solving and knowing each others buttons, Any of those is bound to happen. Saying sorry, handling money even for simple birthday parties, time management, staying together in a house etc. These are some of those uncomfortable spaces that need friends to out maneuver.
If these ever rise up, there is agony that comes up. One that is off the scale and we normally get thrown off and we trash our friendships. The immediate response to these is normally each one of us trying to be a victim, seeking sympathy and understanding and then who takes the blame and says sorry ‘first’. Riding out these waves brings a lot of tragedies! A next step might not be defined but once you get through that then honey it is okay. As friends how best can we solve these, Cause we have to clash at some point. Do we wait for the heat to cool down and then we talk. Are you the kind that rushes to cry and block, Are you the one that expects special treatment just because you are angry. Taming the ego and sitting through those little pit feelings and the sunken hollow fear and realizing that you have some thing beautiful as friends, so you decide to squash the beef and move on.
Its not easy, its not an ABC song, even talking it through brings up so much discomfort and the reveal of the hurt and pain and understanding that this is how they feel actually stings a lot. But as friends it gets easier, knowing each other and how to handle it. And with each time you get better. If you clashed and the silent treatment lasted 6months the first time then by the 5th time that you clash it should be easier and better you clash for seconds and know we need to walk through it.
Knowing your friend. Understanding who they are and each other. Not forgetting there is a thin line between being selfless and selfish. You should be able to know when to take a stand and know when to let somethings go.