Alpha females

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Dear Alpha,

There is a stereotype that surrounds this topic. not to mention, a lot of people cannot bear it when they hear female and alpha in the same sentence. Welcome to the blog article where I will be constantly saying Alpha at every step of the blog. This blog is personal cause I was done being called a beast because I am always myself.

Who is an alpha female? Quick answer form google: a woman who doesn’t settle for peanuts, goes for what she wants, tramples over anyone and anything. what are the intrinsic traits of an alpha female? Google again: competitive, controlling, aggressive, takes charge, fearless, attitude is a must, they got shit together even under stressful situations. in short, a lot of people think alpha females take everything very serious, untouchable and they take take and take. Alpha females are not selfish! The same issues arise when we are pointing out role models for ourselves or better yet when we think that every woman that has money, has a big responsibility, is well known, holds a big position then she is a feminist. I remember when Jcole said that there is unnecessary pressure on him. He said that, “He isn’t that smart, he actually doesn’t know much but the world expects so much from him because he is a big celebrity and the fact that a rapper has a degree.” you feel me! but here’s what i think.

Who is an alpha female? The immediate ideal alpha female for most is people who are ruling the world. True, Beyonce is nailing it. But look at your friends, teachers, mothers, any female figure is an alpha. It isn’t easy mastering what you do and dining and sticking to it. Having your various passions, working towards your goals, owning up your mistakes, shaking it off and most importantly turning up no matter what! The google translation of alpha female makes it seem like you have to have a high heel stuck up to your neck, a white brushed collar, a great perfume and owning it big. No, it isn’t that. It takes courage to do what you do. To stand firm to what you believe in. to dine with your demons, to take a break and then start the race again. That’s what it means. That’s what being an alpha is. The auras and our responses to the universe and to situations are different. Some calm, some loud, others are simple, others classy, whichever path or way you choose to address and own yourself is more than good enough!

I’d like to make a great correction to google’s traits of an alpha woman. Instead of aggressive why not assertive, instead of controlling why not managing. Each female does this every day. And we take up different tasks that we find suitable and comfortable in. taking on tasks and merging through the dust isn’t easy. There is something that a female will feel more confident to do. The common differences that come up are the tones.

Women’s tones differ. And most people that are called alpha females turn out to be loud and intensely engraved in what they do and believe in. Where others will find a gap, an alpha female will take over, more like take charge and guide not to control. Many women who I have met that are like this are lovable and patient but they’ll quickly tell you whats wrong and they’ll come to help you up. We have different coping skills in situations and sometimes being loud doesn’t mean that I’ll not be afraid to stand in front of a panel of 6 to make a presentation. The thing with alpha females is they need to be who they need to be so that they produce what is needed. Aka “the got their shit together.” It isn’t that. People will find different ways on how to stay better and more effective and productive. The right word is alpha females put what is needed to the table, they bring out all the guns necessary to be very productive. Relevant information, relevant applicable solutions. Does this make them invincible? No!

Alpha females are vulnerable. Despite of the fact that they face things head on. Physically, emotional and even with intellectual confrontations. And do you know what it takes!? A little bit of self realization thus stabilizing their self identity. Personally I am an alpha female. People find me too loud and big headed. I take it on, no matter what. Its natural yes, my mom and my siblings are alphas. But that took time. I hold a journal ( lets say 3notebooks) for my thoughts. Before the lock-down it was so hard to manage my energies and emotions. My urges were intense. The urge to act, to fulfill, to be perfect. My mind was filled with so much and it messed up in all my other aspects too. During this period, I started noting down my thoughts, meditating on how to be better and where to channel my energies and were best will I be productive. And here I am writing. Being an alpha female and handling situations better takes time. Also the need to learn that not very situation needs you to shout. Finding out how best to tackle and address some issues helps to pull people to listen more to what you have to say. But that doesn’t mean you should limit yourself.

The most thing that i noticed about most people’s translation of alpha females is how these females handle confrontations. Even with the high confidence, criticism isn’t something that we handle lightly. Each woman though as their own way of handling it. But here’s what I have picked out. Exhibit A; There are those that are quick to react, to say sorry, to immediately look into it. Even when challenged, they are the kind that will keep calm and observe. they’ll not exactly let you walk away but they’ll keep it in mind that they have to make themselves better. Exhibit B; these ones are quick to insult. Ego! A very big issue, some easily over look whatever is at hand and will ambush you with all they’ve got and most will not be sorry. They might even take their time to react but you best believe it they are coming for you. Exhibit C; My favorite are the silent sensitive rebels. These alpha females have one hell of an emotional turmoil. They will express themselves on the basis of emotion. How they have felt and if they actually want to feel that way. A piece of advice, never interrupt them when they are in the middle of the rant whether its text or even physically. They might later withdraw back and cry and probably say sorry but in that moment they’ll push every living button that you have. I am more of the last one and abit of the other two. Its more of a 20/30/50 respectively ( depending on my mood and how long you’ve been pissing me off). Most females are soft spoken but people use the confrontation approach of the immediate urge to silence, question, challenge other people as a way to gauge who is an alpha female. Some women are more eager and enthusiastic about certain things which makes other people refer to them as alphas.

But there are times we feel suffocated and judged. In my case very many people think that me being loud is because i am just too sensitive. And no that isn’t it. Stop confusing our strong personalities for crumbs. Our normal urges to speak up, to confront, to challenge and to talk about uncomfortable topics doesn’t mean we cannot get our personal lives or our sex right. People saying, “oh, she’s just mad,” and that’s it, no, I am not mad, I am hurt and me looking at some issues as important and you do not, doesn’t make anyone an attention seeker. Its so easy for people to shut us down and feel like we are so wrong and too wild for their taste. People sidelining your emotions and how you act to a mere emotions isn’t right.. We are meant to breath to live and tell. People should stop downplaying alphas as girls or women who are aliens and unbend able. We need to stop that archaic mindset of thinking that every girl will be calm and timid. No more humility, get into your skin and do you.

Take charge and own you. And its okay if sometimes you act without thinking ( sometimes it can be the best feeling) So get on with it. Trust your instinct. Put your house in order and not for people but for yourself too. Own your aura and do not settle for less.

yours faithfully,

fellow alpha female

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