Hardly written in the last couple of months…. and no there hasn’t been any journey or mystery, I can’t tell if I was fine or if I was not. Most of the times, that’s how it is…..
most of the times, I am an addict, i cling to my self doubt which is- am pretty tasty… yes, and am…. most of the times, I pretend that its self-criticism(well, they said to turn it all around and make it great) so i criticize myself…. a lot…
i read through my writing of late Infact that’s what I have been doing for the past month even when i said that I was going to try to be more productive and consistent (failing miserably *insert my laugh*) but it is okay…. its great that I have a few things that I have reflected on through this self criticism. That’s my ego *insert my laugh again*, a little bit of anger management which am most of the time is failing, still failing…
i am still failing. I have no great punch line or greater ending.
am sharpening my skills when it comes to the self-criticism…. i am catching up and am going to just- swing with it.
most of the times, some of the times, again most of the times… I feel crushed, done, incomplete, numb, fearful and most times, times like these, I freeze… i freeze and- and I- still see myself in the morning in this stiff body, i see my footsteps, I see my rocky face, i see myself and i still feel done, i die, i scream, i wither and lonely.