LOSING FRIENDS

Hello friend, reader, lover, girl babes etcetera welcome to the ‘losing friends blog’ boy oh boy- I am damn excited. First of all, I have lost multiple friends and most of them, I have been equally immature and selfish. I didn’t communicate, I rushed to get people who didn’t care to be on my side etcetera. It is not cute, when I look back I am not happy nor proud of myself. I feel like losing your friends and not working on it immediately leaves a scar ( one that doesn’t leave ), it sticks to your soul and mind. Also, the shame- guys the shame and the way people try to know your business and whatever is embarrassing. All because 2 humans could not talk things through. Below, I am going to share 3 to 4 stories ( obviously just highlighted ) and where and how I went wrong.

1. My primary best- friend. ( p6 to p7 ). If she is reading this I am sorry for whatever bullshit, the pain that I caused you. ( I still do not have the guts to apologise face to face ). Anyway, so I get to p6, a new school, new stream, generally 2010 was my worst year. I don’t even remember how we met but I think we got to talk and with time we bonded ish. I can’t exactly remember what happened but we split and I rushed to another friend and I ‘vetted’ lord. So, I got so mad and I didn’t even want to look at her but it was so uncomfortable and it wasn’t a beautiful sight. I kept having this heavy thought and heart. I couldn’t keep up with it. All I know is as I was selfish in my bubble, she was not okay and I kept telling myself that it doesn’t matter. This is the same pattern with most of my friends in primary, we fought over something silly or over what they said or over what I did ( one time when I was studying in an SDA school, so Saturdays they never used to open up the canteens, generally, it was a day of worship and rest. So, we used to buy bans, cakes etcetera and keep them for Saturday. So I and a friend use to share eats and money. and one time- I got hungry in the middle of the night and I hate those little crunchy parts of the banya. So, she got up and interrogated me and I was all in my top feelings πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ so she goes like, ‘ let’s separate’ boom. Anyhoo turns out she had eaten the doughnut but if I had just said sorry maybe shyt would’ve been fine ). Anyway, the patterns are the same over and over again, one party says shit and then I just go off to leave instead of talking it through. Anyway, so we did talk after but it was not the same. We grew apart when we went to high school- the reason why I think this time apart or the ending was inevitable is that I wouldn’t have been a better friend. A friend who didn’t say sorry didn’t care about how one feels, a friend who puts pride before friendship. I still feel horrible about letting go but here we are.

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Story 2- karma is real and it’s a bitch. ( at my first school ). I was more cautious in high school and I was just not ready for new friends. Anywho, I make a new friend blah blah and then funnily I can’t tell how it happened or what happened but one Saturday morning, shit goes south and she has switched seats and she has this nasty attitude. I do not mind and then her twin sends me a letter about how no one will tell her sister- ( omg I just remembered what happened- so we were a group and friends, one of us goes off to say shit and I laughed about it ). Can’t anyway, her sister writes this letter and tells me about how I do not pay her sister’s fees, we can’t tell her what to do ( which reminds me I think I still have those letters ). So, I was confused and these letters keep coming and I was confused. I think we were left with 3 weeks to head home ( second term of the year ) and guy- worst three weeks of my life. Anyway, I didn’t say shit, I was in shock. We didn’t talk the next term but I was confident, I used to smile ( shout out to my big bro, he told me to pray and let it go ) which was hard. I used to melt every time that I saw her! HunπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ but my tough face just looked forward. Later, in the next year, she came to talk to me. Stupidly ( I still regret it to this day ) I never asked her why? Like what happened? I still want the closure. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜†πŸ˜……. clown right. I feel you.

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Image from pinterest

Story 3- I think this was high school. At we were a ‘click’ happy but we had issues true. Anyway, we were divided, this was the one-time conflict resolution that was re-tested, well I have a negative 100%. So weird and tackless. We involved so many parties to solve our issues instead of sitting through the pain, joy etcetera. We kept taking sides instead of talking things through

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Yes, I am restricted. I can’t say it all in a blog. Anyway, a common pattern for me is conflict resolution. I am an insecure lover/friend. I am always questioning and wondering even with the smallest things. One of the commonest ways to lose friends is that. Also invalidating their emotions, poor communication imagines having to gain this skill at 20 yet I needed way back. We are always stuck in our perspectives, we are or we have at least been that one bad friend in the equation knowingly or unknowingly. I salute all the people with friends from way back. Distance is also another issue. ( there is a storytime here but oops I said 3 to 4 stories ). Anyway, for me, it has hurt not knowing why the rift is there or how it came about. I felt replaced, rejected, discarded. Distance leaves both of you wondering if it will ever be fixed. Also, distance can be reflected in being cut off or your personalities, characters, needs, wants change. When the things that built a bond with you do not fit one of you or both of you. Outgrowing that’s what they call it, but most times it is someone being ashamed or scared of what an old friend will say about their unsudden change. Sometimes it manifests through dry conversations, disgust etcetera. And one feels more comfortable with people that match their tastes. And sometimes there is no explanation. You just lose them.

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Image from pinterest

With time, love in friendships is real but funnily it is ridiculed. Today I saw a tweet from a gentleman saying that ‘oh now girls have besties day, of and it isn’t the first time that someone has said something of that sort. I talked about female complexities and friendship ( I’ll put the link at the end of the blog) at this time I was still blogging at Wix and this loud-mouthed fool talked about how we overvalue friendships etcetera ( you get the vibe ). And yet we preach friendships are a form of love it is love- but once we mention the issues involved then it is overvalued- make it make sense. Friendship journals or stories are undervalued because people come up to say ‘ what kind of friends do you have’, ‘oh my God, all this for a friend’ how else then if it’s not dinners, plans, get-aways, midnight laughs, phone calls etc. What else then!? If not the love notes, beautiful messages, our friends deserve it. I want people to be less afraid to love, trauma- yes true ( it is a major roadmap block ), one that is not easy to get over but it is not impossible you know. Friends are a mirror of our lovers, family and who we are. We choose these people then why don’t we love them. Why are we ashamed of loving. Losing them hurts but knowing that you gave your best to someone you loved and honoured is something that I want to remember. I wish I hadn’t watched a friend cry because I had been a bitch, or seen them not want to look at me again or amidst those negative notes/letters, I would’ve been comforted by the love I gave. We love to lose but also gain and to be happy with what we offered. Till then friends.

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FerristerM

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