Marriage is a union between two people or even 3 people. Marriage, one word sparks war among people especially us the 20 some thing year olds who might want to get married. And alot of people will shut this blog down cause I am young and I know nothing about this ‘institution’ but I think it is great that young people are talking about it, thinking about it and it is okay to share our ‘naive’ sentiments about this issue. Anyway, I have also come to realise that this ‘institution’ is thought of as just a wedding, or a place of trust, no cheating, respect, of course the conflict but mostly a thing that seals a damn relationship. Puts a zip on it, closes the deal, the end game, the start of a new chapter blah blah blah! But with all of this in mind, is marriage the one thing that justifies the relationship? Does it actually offer the trust, does it gurantee the no lies and no cheating ? Does it mean that a person loves you more ? Is it a sign of commitment? I know that for the longest time we have been hearing comments like, “if you aren’t aiming for marriage then donot date.” , “If the ring doesn’t roll in then you are wasting your time” etcetera. We have different ways or perspectives on marriage and I think there is more to it that just the trust and the conflict and prayer! Yes, I said it! And in no way is it meant to be disrespectful but marriage isn’t just a safety net. As a woman, as Ferrister, to be honest I used to look at marriage and deep down I have not entirely unlearned it completely but marriage is a safety net, a protection net from capitalism // bills, from society taunting me that I do not have a man or for pride – I want to show off my ring, my wedding pictures etcetera but with all this, I also somehow expect the trust, the no cheating, companionship etcetera. All these equal to me wanting a ‘husband’, a man being a husband, acting like a husband. I am not afraid to say that this was and I am low – key working on focusingon actually having a loving, caring person more than just a wedding. And here is why or here is what I have to say.
EXAMPLE NO. 1 ; – I was watching the ‘E – NEWS’ and one of the stories that were run was about Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. And their relationship etcetera. When they asked her about marriage, she said that “she found it best to -…. you know not rush in again to get married.” ( paraphrased ) This sparked up a marriage conversation among the news anchors – the round table. And the debate was suprisingly beautiful. And I realised that as a woman that had been married before you know marriage isn’t all there is in a relationship. But love and trust is all there is!
EXAMPLE NO. 2; – I was watching a movie called “He’s just not into you” – I don’t know why it took me so damn long to watch this damn movie but it was beautiful and insightful yeah! There was this character called Abby – her younger sister had just gotten married, her dad gets a heart attack so she is at the home trying to clean up and do all these chores with no help from her sisters nor their husbands. Surprisingly her ex ( whom she had been dating for 7 years and they had just broke up), he was there right infront of her, cleaning and doing the dishes. And this same ex had a friend who was married but he was cheating on his wife, lying about smoking etc.
Marriage or no marriage, people who love you will step up! ( tbis theory is not entirely true though – sometimes people lay back even when they claim to love you ). And I know alot of people are going to argue it out with the ‘stages in love’ etcetera like from friends to dating to marriage to death! Anyway, there is a whole big deal which is somewhat important and of value yeah and I don’t want to rubbish it and say it is useless. It is not. Anyway I have 2 major points – people will step up to the role and people will step to get married or to get to the next stage so that they can make you happy for they cannot be happy if you aren’t ( if marriage is what makes you happy then great ). Lets start with point 1.
In reference to EXAMPLE 2, when people get married, they donot exactly act the part. They aren’t responsible, they donot help out – what I mean is they do not act as a husband or a wife. Now this might also cause turmoil – what is a wife and their obligations? That is up to you and your partner cause at the end of the day I, Ferrister Mirembe will not be there with you in that marriage. And when people say “talk about it before you get married”, heeeeeee😂😂😭😭…. marriage actually let me not confine it to that, we evolve and change. And most importantly feelings or rather all factors are not constant not even in your marriage. The talk or communication needs to happen all the time but we are not going to expel the fact that there are moments where you’ll not talk but rather you’ll act or assume! YOU LEARN ON / AT THE JOB – PERIOD! We learnt to live, eat, parent etcetera on the job! Life and whatever comes with it – we learn. So, go for that arrangement. Marriage or a wedding doesn’t gurantee that somebody will step up and act the part but a weird thought thatmight pop is ‘people often act as wives while they are girlfriends and then they are trashed’ – I have no answer to that and no explanation. Life doesn’t have a manual and whatever but are we going to act kess or to give less of ourselves to the people we love just because we are scarex. Weirdly, my mind just said ‘YES’ .
Point no.2 – people might propose because they see how that makes you happy and you not being happy doesn’t make them happy. So, boo might propose cause it is something that you want and love to have for whatever reason. So, it might at some point justify the relationship. It might be that much needed space or step. A needed step to discuss kids, income, investments and other things that might fulfill the dream of the family or life that you want from then on. Marriage might earn you that much deserved respect or even put to bed some insecurities but it might also come with its own issues. It might be the much needed step for you to become a wife or husband, to take on the role and to walk a new path to a new you.
In conclusion ( I feel like I am writing a history essay), marriage is not a gurantee you the best life with your partner neither does it gurantee the worst of the worAnd there is alot that can happen in marriage! Different things can happen. The dynamics in marriage deserve another blog and I hope to make one.
All in all as an unmarried person it is best to leave it open. It is best to watch the space.
Thats all folks!! Till then